MANDIRA PATTNAIK

How to surprise the reader and chart a narrative course that is far from obvious

MONTHLY BLOGPOST

As promised in my last blogpost, this month we will take a detailed, analytical look at a single flash fiction work (published in Smokelong Quarterly) titled “Why This Isn’t a Good Story to Tell”. It is a story that opens deceptively (No stories to tell), appears predictable on the surface, but has a remarkable lasting impact. Making the most of the flash fiction form, the writer uses profundity and universality in such a manner that they are thumpingly present precisely because of their apparent absence within the narrative.

STRUCTURE: Using a story-within-a-story narrative structure, Shellie Zacharia brilliantly launches us into, not one, but two false starts. As though retelling a story, ‘as if nothing interesting happens’ Zacharia baits us with ‘Not one (story) you’d want to hear, unless you count what happened two days ago and that’s not really a story.’ Readers are purposefully led to expect an unsurprising story, even perhaps one of foreboding and uneasiness. Close on the heels of first one comes the story being narrated. The reader is immediately introduced to two women shopping for groceries: An old woman, with an appropriate ‘white leather bag sitting in the shopping cart’, who can’t reach for peanut butter resting on the top shelf. She is helped by a younger woman (the narrator) with ‘just a little straw bag’. Notice these small, seemingly innocuous, details. They tell us a lot about both characters — their ages, physical appearances, economic standing and perhaps their personal choices. Notice also that both shell and core stories blend seamlessly, unified at the emotional core.

NARRATIVE SURPRISES: Deftly luring readers into a false sense of security by promising an uninteresting story, Shellie Zacharia unexpectedly disrupts and begins everything all over again. After a peek into the characters populating the story within the story, the old woman is shown building an adorable closeness with the younger woman and possibly inviting her to be part of her family. She gives the younger helpful woman her grandson’s business card because ‘He’s a nice boy.’ And ‘[she] should call him’ [because] ‘he’s lonely’. Thus, for a second time, readers are led through (what eventually turn out to be) false expectations of ‘romance’, ‘adventure’, and a happily-ever-after story.

CREATIVE TECHNICALITIES: The story uses nested loops to drive home the emotional (and deeply resonant) thrust of the narrative.  The introductory looping format is effective as it at once introduces us to three parallel lives — of the old woman who wants a companion for her lonely grandson; of the woman who takes the offer to call because she’s perhaps lonely as well, and the man behind-the-scene being talked about, variously as lonely, and as a ‘nice man’ and as someone who is ‘a travel agent and he had a work phone and a cell phone’. It is an ideal for taking a situation and making it go back to the start, and reassess. Readers get a glimpse of three people all eager and ready for a reconfiguration in their lives. With several possibilities laid down, Shellie Zacharia builds the middle of the story cajoling the eager reader into an innovative track that might solve the problems of all three supposedly miserable characters. The hallmark of this short piece, built around the aforementioned strong nucleus, is how it shocks readers by turning the tables. The narrator, because she’s ‘had it with mean boys’ and ‘it seemed a good thing to do’, decides to call the woman’s grandson. The use of subtle details such as ‘summer time’, and ‘two glasses of wine’ concretizes the current mental state of the narrator; her expectancy mirrors through, and glistens in the reader’s mind. Finally, the story is elevated to flash-form excellence when the maiden brief conversation between the woman and the ‘nice boy’ results in an unravelling, made complete with what-could-have-been possibilities. The response of the old woman’s grandson is where the second false start of the story really hammers in: “I’m sorry. My grandmother isn’t always well. I’m married. She forgets.” With a reference to the man’s wife Jane who playfully smacks him on the back of the head during the call, Shellie Zacharia masterfully hands us the truth: that the man is in a nice, healthy marriage.

CONCLUSION: I believe the supremacy of this story lies in how the story unspools after this conversation. The hopes of the narrator, and with her, that of the readers, is well and truly dashed, but now what? Using anaphora ‘He didn’t call back’, readers are offered a range of possibilities of what could have been if he had indeed called back the narrator. Instead of successively diminishing tension as expected of the last lines of any story, ‘Why This Isn’t a Good Story to Tell’ raises it by laying down a list of redeeming chances that may have elevated the narrator’s shell- story to something more interesting, a really ‘good story’, perhaps something like a ‘romance or adventure or mystery.’ The pang of unfinished business lingers long, as is the case with great timeless narratives.

PROMPTS

DIFFICULTY LEVEL 1: At a chance meeting at a departmental store, your friend from middle school, whom you have never seen afterwards, is standing ahead of you in the check-out line. You have three options: a) to jump and hug, and start a conversation, b) Stand there and contemplate what to do next because you’re not sure the friend will recognize you, OR c) Ignore the friend because something untoward happened the last time (when you were children). Write a story based on either (or all!) options.

DIFFICULTY LEVEL 2: Take a regular worker you see every day and write a story around that person whom you suspect is hiding something and nothing is what it appears.

DIFFICULTY LEVEL 3: Most people are horrendous. If only you knew how to identify them… Make these the opening lines of your story. Use second person.

SUBMISSIONS OPEN!!!

[Here I list magazines & submission windows. FREE TO SUBMIT. OPEN on October 1] Reservoir Road Literary, Cutleaf, Sundog Literary, Tales from the Moonlit Path (Deadline Oct 6), A Public Space (Closes Oct 15),flash Fiction Online (Oct 1-21), Mythaxis (Oct 23-30). Some windows close early when they reach their capacity.

NEW!! Writing Workshops elsewhere (of two weeks’ duration, arguably equal to the time to create a presentable submission packet) cost around USD 125 and I understand it might not be affordable to all. Keeping this in mind, I’m offering Fiction Consultations on submission basis with optional submission process assistance and a turnaround time of 30 days. Last few places open. Reach out with your specific needs and we might be able to work around the fees.

PRO-TIP: Recently I reached out to a Writer of Color for an interview. I rarely do interviews but am happy to do them when I’m keen on learning about a writer’s methods and inspiration, and sharing the same with readers. The interview will soon be published. Her website was very nicely organized and helped me with the processing. I have stressed on this many times before, including this video post. I’d also add that do not hesitate to reach out to fellow writers for anything that might bother you. We are a community and most people are happy to chip-in. Of course, it is best not to overdo it, but you’ll be surprised how much that sharing with like-minded people will enrich you.

October’s blogpost will be “Maths Marries Flash”. We will look how numbers are worked around to create the most fascinating short pieces. Look out for it! Share this post and tell your friends!

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